Thursday, November 4, 2010

Oh Where, Oh Where Did I Go? Part 2

Let me just start off by saying this may be a difficult post for me to write.  And honestly, I'm not sure why I am writing it.  Maybe I just need to do it for myself.  Here goes....

In my last post (I know it is been awhile), I answered the question, "Where did I go?" quite literally.  I was in Arkansas and now I am in South Dakota.  Now I find myself trying to answer that same question on a more personal level.  I read my words from a few weeks ago and wonder where the author is - who the author is.  Who wrote happy thoughts about God's provision?  About blooming?  Who is she and where did she go?

I'm lost.  Withering instead of blooming.  Doubting instead of trusting.  I don't want to go into details.  Again, I am not even sure why I am sharing any of this.  On the outside things may look and seem okay, but inside I am filled with fear, anxiety....depression.  There, I said it.  I've had "down" days (even weeks) before, but this..... this feels different. 

I know what your comments are going to be.  Moving is stressful.  Things will get better.  You need to get help.  I know.  I know. And I know. 

Do I feel better after telling you all that?  I'm not sure.  Maybe I feel better in that when one of you asks me how I am doing and I say "fine" you will know it is likely not the truth.  But you won't question me.  You will just pray for me until I can answer that question honestly.  Until I can find myself again.


Okay, so I can't just leave you with all of that.  I have to share a picture.  A picture that really does make me smile.

{There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:
....A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer....  Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4}